


The Bed Song

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Avengers, Captain America, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Amanda Palmer - Freeform, F/M, The Bed Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-10 23:39:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11702265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: The romance between two young people told through Amanda Palmer's "The Bed Song".





	1. The Bed Song. Part 1

_Exhibit A:_  
We are friends in a sleeping bag splitting the heat,  
we have one filthy pillow to share and your lips are in my hair.  
Someone upstairs has a rat that we laughed at,  
and people are drinking,  
and singing Van Halen and Slayer on a ukulele tear. 

“This is it doll,” Bucky sighed heavily. “We have a place now.” His eyes were shining brightly as he looked down to (Y/N). He held her face and leaned forward to kiss her lips.

Ever since they were introduced by Steve, the two had become inseparable. They trained together, they went on missions together until they realized they shared the same feelings. Although it took a while to get themselves a place of their own –and this was falling apart—, felt invincible and their love had proved to be too.

From the tough and uncertain past Bucky had had; he did learn something, and it was to live the day as if it was the last one, because with a job like theirs, and a life that was still very dubious, he had no choice but to enjoy each moment, and with the love of his life by his side nothing could ever go wrong.

In the small room they lived in, everything seemed to fall apart. The walls had humidity stains and there was not even the sufficient space for a bed, so sharing a sleeping bag over an inflatable mattress was the only option left. Sex was quite enjoyable like that.

“I love you so much, (Y/N),” Bucky whispered to his love’s ear; she was still not fully asleep.

“I love you too, babe,” she replied groggily as she leaned her head on his chest.

Bucky kissed the top of her head and called it quits for that night; the first night of a lifetime together.

As days went by, they found themselves more at ease living together; it was almost meant to be, and everyday their unlikely neighbors came out with something new to laugh at. Harold, an old man that lived in the room upstairs theirs had a rat, Baboon he called the small animal, and apparently it lived to his name.

_“Baboon, what did I say about sneaking out to other people’s rooms? It is inappropriate! No—no don’t give me that face!”_

Bucky and (Y/N) were having some Chinese takeout that she had bought on her way home from her new job, and it was the best dinner they had ever had. Every day there was something different; on some occasions a group of punk runaway teenagers sang Slayers songs with a ukulele. They sucked, but at least they put a lot of heart to it.

“You know,” (Y/N) said, “even though we live in this shithole… I can’t be happier that I’m here with you… I wouldn’t have it any other way,” she bit her bottom lip. “I love you Jamie, a lot.”

“You’re the only one I would share this shithole with,” he smiled widely. “Thank you for jumping in with me,” He leaned forward, leaving his take out aside to kiss (Y/N)’s lips.


	2. The Bed Song. Part 2

_Exhibit B_

_Well, we found an apartment_  
It’s not much to look at  
A futon on a floor  
Torn-off desktop for a door  
All the decor’s made of milk crates and duct tape  
And if we have sex  
They can hear us through the floor  
But we don’t do that anymore. 

“Okay, so we upgraded ourselves a bit,” (Y/N) admitted as she put a small cloth over a box that would simulate a table. “This is way fancier than what we had,” she nodded.

“Quite fancier,” Bucky agreed, finishing with the pictures he glued to the wall, “and I like it, we have a bathroom of our own now,” he shrugged pointing at the desktop that served as a door.

“Should we do a housewarming party? I mean, invite the team to have a drink or something?”

After two long years of struggling with the difficulties of a life without many privileges and without a house to call their own, they finally got to make their new apartment into a home. After the housewarming party, they called it quits for the night after a long session of passionate love making to inaugurate their home.

But as they struggled with the daily life, they were also struggling with their relationship. They both fell apart from each other. Bucky was busier than ever with missions and (Y/N) seemed restless at work. They barely saw each other and when they did it was only when they found each other fast asleep. It was not the life they had planned, but at least they were together and that was what counted.

They didn’t want to give up on their busy lives to improve their love life, but they didn’t want to give up on each other because the love was real, and they reminded each other on a daily basis about that. (Y/N) would leave small sticky notes on Bucky’s things, saying how much she loved him and how grateful she was that he was with her, and Bucky would text her in the middle of the day just to tell her that she looked gorgeous in the morning.

That’s how they kept their love alive, but even that wasn’t enough.

The years went by in their apartment and they could feel the lack of interest they felt for each other. They looked at each other and there were no more butterflies, it was just a regular person and they barely said a kind word to each other. Small talk was quite small and as much as they tried to change it, they couldn’t.

They feared the worst from one another.


	3. The Bed Song. Part 3

_And I lay there wondering, what is the matter?_   
_Is this a matter of worse or of better?_   
_You took the blanket, so I took the bed sheet_   
_But I would have held you if you’d only_

_Let me_

New York was getting quite cold at that time of the year, and their apartment didn’t have the appropriate heating system, so it was like they had gone back to their first home all over again. They were quite happy to realize that they would have to hold each other at night again, that they would be able to touch each other like the old times, without worrying about anything else than the feeling of their skins together.

But they were too afraid of telling one another what they wanted or to even ask if they wanted it too.

Whenever (Y/N) tried to put the question into words, Bucky replied with a short and cold “I have to go”, and her question was left unsaid and thrown away. Her hopes crashed and broke down into a million pieces, just as her heart. She didn’t want to give up on him because he was everything she had.

Everyone told Bucky how he should confront his problem, but the former Winter Soldier would not listen. He didn’t know how to do it anyway, his problems were usually confronted with violence and (Y/N) was the sort of topic he had to talk his way out of, not punch his way out.

And as he wondered how to put his problem into words, the days and months went by and it was winter all over again.

(Y/N) had a day off and she was having tea, wrapped in her million sweaters as she waited for Bucky to appear through the door and give her a heartwarming hug, but when he did, he went straight to the small commode they bought and took a blanket from there. He went to the bed and laid silently next to (Y/N).

He wrapped himself, sighing heavily at the inability to speak his mind and the feeling that (Y/N) was hiding something from him. (Y/N) rolled off on her side, feeling the exact same way.

“You’re cold,” Bucky pointed out in a plain voice.

“Yes,” (Y/N) nodded to her side, “yes, I am.”

And they said no further words that night.


	4. The bed song. Part 4

_Exhibit C_   
_Look how quaint_   
_And how quiet and private_   
_Our paychecks have bought us a condo in town_   
_It’s the nicest flat around_   
_You picked a mattress and had it delivered_   
_And I walked upstairs_   
_And the sight of it made my heart pound_   
_And I wrapped my arms around me_

The pictures once duct-taped to the wall were now in elegant frames that were all over the new and sumptuous house they owned. Memories of themselves being young and full of life haunted them each time they walked anywhere in the huge house. They felt like strangers around each other even though they had been together for what it seemed like a lifetime.

They constantly looked at each other –without the other noticing—and smiled with their hearts full of fondness. They had good memories of their younger selves in the pictures, and they were still very in love with each other, but they only didn’t know how to demonstrate it. It was a contained fire, and it could possibly die if they didn’t stir it, but they were too afraid to do let both things happen: to stir the fire and to let it die.

Just a few days after the moved into their new house, a king-size mattress was delivered. (Y/N) was the one to receive it, and her heart melted inside her because it meant that they would be able to go back to the old days; they would have sex in their bed without anyone to bother them, they would stay in bed tangled with each other when the winter came and there would be a hundred movie marathons and fights for popcorn that would end up in making out sessions afterwards.

(Y/N) longed to have her life back.

Once the mattress was installed and the bedding put in place, (Y/N) jumped on it as if she was a child, and the thought of the romantic moments she would spend with the love of her life fueled her hopes.

She even made Bucky’s favorite meal that night, just to welcome him home after a mission that had been too long, and to welcome him to the old days, to the life they really belonged in.


	5. The bed song. Part 5

_And I stood there wondering, what is the matter?_   
_Is this a matter of worse or of better?_   
_You walked right past me and straightened the covers_   
_But I would still love you if you wanted a lover_   
_And you said_   
_All the money in the world_   
_Won’t buy a bed so big and wide_   
_To guarantee that you won’t accidentally touch me_   
_In the night_

But when the night came and dinner was over, things didn’t go exactly as planned. Bucky got up from his seat on the other side of the table in complete silence, and ran up the stairs straight to the bedroom. He saw the bed perfectly done, but he still found a small wrinkle on the bed sheet that he straightened with his hands.

Downstairs, (Y/N) played with the droplets left of wine inside her glass, then she poured some more and some more until the bottle had emptied and she felt nothing but the bitter taste of loneliness and regret. She wondered what had gone wrong or what she had done wrong, and she played the last fifteen years in her mind, each day and each night that she tried to get closer to him. Maybe it was that.

Upstairs, Bucky laid inside the covers doing a similar exercise, thinking of all the gifts he had planned to buy but never could because of fear that she wouldn’t like any of them. He thought about the messages they used to send each other and wondered why he never did it again, he even thought that (Y/N) changed her number in these last few years. She had fallen apart from everyone at the Avengers, and she seemed more at ease when she was alone.

She had become independent without him and that’s what he dreaded; he longed the days that she stressed out over nothing and that he was there hold her tightly and tell her everything was alright, or those days when he had nightmares and she was there to get him some warm tea and her always soothing embrace.

But they were on their own now; left to their own devices as the life they once shared was nothing but an image they didn’t want to keep or leave. It was there, only there, walking on a tightrope just a breeze away from falling and crashing.

(Y/N) often wondered about going back to the Avengers, going back on missions and just being with Bucky for more time, but she pushed the thoughts away when she realized that maybe she was being too clingy.

She went upstairs and saw Bucky fast asleep with his metal arm under the pillow. He looked so peaceful, so gorgeous. It was the same man that she had fallen in love with, and even though he was distant and cold, she still loved him fervently.

Bucky felt the other side of the bed sinking as (Y/N) slid under the covers. He moved away from her in the bed, thinking that she didn’t want to be bothered; (Y/N) did the same thing, making his feeling a reciprocal one.


	6. The bed song. Part 6

_Exhibit D_   
_Now we’re both mostly paralyzed_   
_Don’t know how long we’ve been lying here in fear_   
_Too afraid to even feel_   
_I find my glasses and you turn the light out_   
_Roll off on your side_   
_Like you’ve rolled away for years_   
_Holding back those king-size tears_

Old age came to everyone, and even though Bucky had a super soldier serum running through his veins, he was still very human with very human feelings; he had forgotten how it was like to love. He still loved (Y/N) with all his heart, and he would love her until her final breath, but he just wasn’t sure how to love her anymore. He had done it in silence for 40 years and apparently it hadn’t worked.

Time never mended anything, because there was never a thing to mend anyway. It was only their insecurities in the way and they never got past them. Although time had marked her skin; he was as in love with (Y/N) as he was the first day; she was the woman of his life after all, and his love for her had never faded away, not a bit.

Their nights were cold, even in the middle of summer, and their words had turned into long and painful silences. They often looked at each other and smiled, or tried to, but they turned their heads away in shame the minute the other found them looking their way.

Just when (Y/N) was about to put on her reading glasses, Bucky turned off the light on his side table, leaving the room in complete darkness. (Y/N) sighed and left the glasses back on their place and finally laid under the covers.

“Good night, Jamie,” (Y/N) whispered from her side of the bed.

But Bucky’s only reply was a heavy sigh and unnoticed tears that fell on his pillow.


	7. The bed song. Part 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any last words?

_And I still don’t ask you, what is the matter?_   
_Is this a matter of worse or of better?_   
_You take the heart failure I’ll take the cancer_   
_I’ve long stopped wondering why you don’t answer_

Not even the serum could stop the normal, ironic and unexpected course of life. They asked to be left in their house; they didn’t have children to take care of them anyway. Sex stopped way before they could even think about a family. Truth being told, they thought it was better like that; not having to be the perfect picture of a family made things way easier. Bucky’s job made the job hard most of the time, and when they fell apart it seemed like the right decision.

(Y/N) felt ready to give up on life, and most of all, on her Jamie. She turned her head with difficulty to look at him, to look at the old man she had loved for so long, whose nightmares she had vanished away with just a simple kiss, and whose cold and silent company she enjoyed until the very last of her days. She gave him a weak smile and turned her head away.

With one last sigh, she abandoned the world of the living.

Bucky now had nothing else to fight for and he felt ready to go. He didn’t know what was on the other side, and perhaps there was nothing, not even (Y/N), but he was glad to at least have experienced the cruelness of a silent love. He would have died for her, and now he died because of her. It was a nice last sight; she looked so peaceful, as if death had given her back her youth.

Bucky turned to see her lifeless body and called the nurse. He held (Y/N)’s still warm hand and smiled.


	8. The bed song. Part 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end, and what comes after it.

_Exhibit E_   
_You can certainly see how fulfilling a life_   
_From the cost and size of stone of our final resting home_   
_We got some nice ones right under a cherry tree_   
_You and me lying the only way we know_   
_Side by side and still and cold_

The scenery was rather gorgeous, even though it had all the gloomy and dullness of a cemetery. Families gathered around the graves of their loved ones and they left the most gorgeous flowers to cheer a bit the place. It was spring and everything that adorned so beautifully the lands of the final resting home for many was blossoming. Even Bucky and (Y/N)’s cherry tree was in bloom.

Their graves were next to each other, very closely; they hadn’t been that close in years but underground, they were lying in the same way as they had done it for years. Seasons went by relentlessly and their stones grew forgotten.

The cherry tree kept blooming and dying, and it did it for long years.

_And I finally ask you, what was the matter?_   
_Was it a matter of worse or of better?_   
_You stretch your arms out and finally face me_   
_you say I would have told you if you’d only asked me_

When she woke up again she found herself in the room she shared with Bucky, where Harold had Baboon the rat and people sang to Slayer with a ukulele –who would’ve thought you could do that anyway?—. She found everything so familiar yet so strange. She looked herself in a mirror she thought lost and saw herself young again.

As if it was taken from a soap opera scene, a young Bucky –her young Bucky—walked through the door and found her there. He found everything in its place; the sleeping bag, the pillow and the empty boxes of Chinese takeaway. He smiled and let out a breathy giggle at such fond memories.

They sat in silence, enjoying once again the lovely memories of a life full of struggles and full of love. (Y/N) took a deep breath; it took her a lifetime and a time in the afterlife to finally make the question.

“Jamie, what happened to us?”

“I honestly don’t know,” he replied after a while with a sigh, “I tried to talk to you but you seemed so distant… I didn’t know if I was bothering you, and I didn’t want to either,” he looked away.

“You would have never bothered me, Jamie,” she gulped, “I loved you more than anything in my life, and if anything, I thought you didn’t love me,” her tears started to blurry her vision.

“We’ve been fools,” he admitted, finally facing her. He reached out his human hand to hold hers.

“And we’ve only realized too late,” she accepted it and took in as much as possible from it; she had almost forgotten what if felt like to touch him.

There was nothing else to do or say.


End file.
